Fear and anxiety often cloud our sexual experience. A little assertiveness and sexual confidence is just what you need for a full-on hustle between the sheets! It’s easy to misinterpret frequent sexual encounters with sexual confidence. And sexual confidence isn’t just about feeling good in bed. Feeling insecure about how you look or behave in bed can keep you from enjoying yourself. The best way forward is to leave your inhibitions behind. Easier said than done? Let’s find out!
How to increase your sexual confidence and be more sexually active
So, you want to know how to be more sexually assertive ? Sexual assertiveness is a skill that gets better with practice. Assertiveness should not be confused with aggression. Assertiveness means taking charge during sexual outings, discovering new and stimulating areas of pleasure. If you want to try a new position, don’t hold back. Talk to your partner about it. For all you know, they will be just as excited about the prospect as you are.
To understand how to be sexually assertive, remember that foreplay doesn’t have to start in the bedroom. You can gently stroke your partner’s hand in a restaurant, making eye contact. You can use words and your touch to convey how you feel and what you mean. This creates a sexually charged atmosphere long before you land in bed.
By listening to your partner’s signals, you can learn what you can do to make them happy. If they pull away, you can be sure they don’t like your touch.
What does it mean to be sexually active?
Honest dialogue about sex requires quite a bit of skill. Although there is plenty of literature on the subject in print and on social media, on a personal level the topic of sex can make many people speechless. Sexual assertiveness is important because both partners know what they want and where they want to draw the line. Here are some markers of sexual assertiveness:
- Initiate sex and voice your desires for greater pleasure.
- Your partner may be aroused, but you may refuse to submit if the act makes you uncomfortable.
- Your partner may reject you if you do not participate as he likes. But that’s okay. You’ll find someone who understands.
- Being assertive does not mean being aggressive. Your actions should be honest and direct, with your partner’s feelings in mind.
- Recognize the red flags of pressure. If you don’t like the action, a firm “No!” will suffice.
The difference between sexual assertiveness and aggression
Sexual assertiveness is very different from sexual aggression. When you are sexually assertive, you are voicing your desires, taking into account your partner’s feelings and needs. There is honest dialogue in play through which you introduce scenarios or sexual acts into the picture without aggressively imposing your partner’s feelings. If your partner doesn’t want to perform a certain act, you accept his or her wishes.
Sexual aggression, on the other hand, is violent behavior that ignores your partner’s feelings. Sexual aggression is an action or behavior that forces your partner to engage in a sexual act that he or she does not want to perform. To be clear, rough sex is not necessarily aggressive sex. If the parties engage in a sexual act, however deviant; are consenting adults; it cannot be defined as aggressive sex. However, if one partner is not a willing participant, it is a serious offense.
“I’ve lost confidence in the bedroom.”| The Importance of Sexual Confidence
Some people are very confident about sexual matters; others have much less. But for many people, there are times when they experience an ebb in their sexual confidence after an event such as divorce, postpartum depression, or when they start with a new partner.
It’s easy to get caught up in thinking about your partner’s feelings. Will they find you sexy? Will you be able to give them sexual satisfaction?
But it’s important to remember that your partner is probably just as vulnerable as you are. They probably find themselves unattractive, too. What you have to remember is this; you have sex because you find each other attractive. You are not the only one in the relationship who will make intercourse great. Letting go of your fears and being in the moment is the best way to feel more confident.
How to be more assertive in bed as a woman
An integral part of being human is sexual expression. Your level of confidence depends largely on sexual arousal. When you put your inhibitions aside, your pleasure will increase. If you want to be a sexually assertive woman , don’t be afraid to initiate sex or express your pleasure by moaning, as this will enhance the experience for you and your partner. When you make the first move, it shows your partner that you find him attractive. This can turn him on in a big way.
Open yourself up by finding places that increase your pleasure; so you know exactly what you want from your partner. Suggest different positions to increase pleasure. When you give vocal signals, your partner has a better understanding of what makes you happy. In the beginning, it may not be easy to talk openly about your desires. But you can go into it gradually, letting your mind adjust to your new self, the sexually assertive woman!
How to be more assertive in bed with a man
Being more sexually assertive is not difficult. Many men tend to think too much about sex. They may have a ready-made sequence of moves that they will rigorously follow; instead of taking hints from their partners’ vocal cues. Instead, be in the moment and open up to the sensations and feelings, thereby increasing pleasure for both yourself and your partner. Once you tune in to what your partner is experiencing, you won’t worry about your performance. Don’t try to overanalyze every expression on your partner’s face, as this will lead to anxiety.
Fear of losing an erection or not getting one at all is a sure path to disaster, as fear will hinder your arousal. Accept the fact that occasionally your erection weakens before or during intercourse. If this is not common, you don’t need to worry about it. Take it for granted and find pleasurable ways to have sex while it’s soft.
Tips from sexologists on how to feel more sexually confident in the bedroom
- Masturbation is a great way to find out what turns you on. You are better equipped to share these tips with your partner.
- Voicing your intimate desires with your partner can turn them on.
- Leave behind the doubts and fears about how you look or how you will behave in bed. This disconnect between mind and body is not the ideal scenario for pleasurable action.
- Sex often has embarrassing or messy moments. Treat it as a fun experience and laugh it off. Carefree banter will enhance your experience.
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